Bowel Movements
|
| Taoism | Confucianism | Buddhism |
|---|
| Shit happens. | Confucius says, "Shit Happens." | If shit happens, it isn't really shit. |
| Zen | Hinduism | Mormon |
|---|
- Shit is, and is not.
- What is the sound of shit happening?
| This shit happened before. | This shit is going to happen again. |
| Islam | Calvinism | Catholicism |
|---|
| If shit happens, it is the will of Allah. | Shit happens because you don't work hard enough. | - Shit happens because you are bad.
- If shit happens, you deserve it
|
| Protestantism | Judaism | Stoicism |
|---|
| Let this shit happen to someone else. | Why does this shit always happen to us? | This shit is good for me. |
| Christian Science | Seventh Day Adventist | Hedonism |
|---|
| Shit is only in your imagination. | No shit on Saturdays. | There isn't anything like a good shit happening. |
| Moonies | Hare Krishna | Rastafarianism |
|---|
| Only happy shit happens. | Shit happens rama rama. | Let's smoke this shit. |
| Davidians | Church of Scientology | Shinto |
|---|
| Let's shoot and burn our own shit. | - Of course, GOD created this shit.
- If shit happens, see "Dianetics" p.157
| Chop the shit. |
| Eastern Russian Orthodox | Agnostic | Shaolin |
|---|
| Holy shit (no more communism!) | Not sure about shit. | Destroy bad shits with Kung Fu. |
| Existentialism | Atheism | Presbyterian |
|---|
- What is shit, anyway?
- Shit doesn't happen, shit IS
| What shit? | This shit was bound to happen |
| Episcopalian | Methodist | Congregationalist and Unitarian |
|---|
| It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it | It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it | Shit that happens to one person is just as good shit as shit that happens to all
other |
| Lutheran | Fundamentalism | Nihilism |
|---|
| If shit happens, don't talk about it | If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again (Amen!) | No shit |
| Creationism | Secular Humanism | Christian Science |
|---|
| God made all shit | Shit evolves | When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray |
| Quakers | Unitarianism | Utopianism |
|---|
| Let us not fight over this shit | Come let us reason together about this shit | This shit does not stink |
| Darwinism | Capitalism | Communism |
|---|
| This shit was once food | That's my shit | It's everybody's shit |
| Feminism | Chauvanism | Commercialism |
|---|
| Men are shit | We may be shit, but you can't live without us... | Let's package this shit |
| Impressionism | Idolism | Satanism |
|---|
| From a distance, this shit looks like a garden | Let's bronze this shit | SNEPPAH TIHS |
| Stoicism | Zoroastrianism | Practical |
|---|
| This shit is good for me | Shit happens half of the time | Deal with shit one day at a time |
| Jehovah's Witnesses |
|---|
| Knock Knock. Shit happens |
